Where in the World is VINNIE VINCENT???
Posted by: Cybercomic ()
Date: November 02, 2000 01:30PM

I just don't get you, dude.

Vinnie Vincent, you are one talented motherf*cker.

You’re an expert guitar player.

You’re an incomparable songwriter.

You even have cool hair.

You’re a man who has literally THOUSANDS of fans, in the USA alone.

Add Europe and Japan to the mix, places where your distinct brand of music is still popular, and you effectively triple or quadruple your existing fanbase.

Think about it: all those people… ready and eager to give you their money… in exchange for but the smallest sampling of your talent…

And you've put out just ONE album in the past 11 years.

An impossibly hard-to-find 4-song EP, at that!

Come on, dude, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

Firehouse has released something like 4 or 5 CD's in 10 years, and I don't think anybody EVER liked that band. Hootie & the Blowfish, same story. Slaughter keeps cranking out new product and apparently it still sells. Hell, the Monkees have put out more new studio stuff than you throughout this past decade, and they don't really even exist.

But not you.

Not Vinnie Vincent.

You’re a musician who apparently doesn’t make music anymore.

Just what DO you do all day, anyway?

If I honestly thought you didn't WANT to write and perform anymore, I don't think I'd be so irritated by your absence. If somehow you've stumbled upon a new fascination that has replaced your love of music, I suppose I could understand that.

But from all I've learned about you these past 14 years, you are one who is DRIVEN to compose and create. Music simply pours out of you. You live it and breathe it. There was even that fluffy interview in one of first the issues of your old fan club newsletter in which you claimed that you actually SLEEP with your guitar! This is not a man to whom music is but a fleeting fancy!

But even if you're burned out for now (and I’m not even saying that you ARE), you clearly have OODLES of completed songs, all ready to be released. They've been circulating in demo form for years. Just slap down a dozen or so on a CD and crank out a few thousand! Make some money and get back on your feet.

Look around you, man – it’s happening all over the place, especially in the Kiss community! If a NOBODY like Ralph E. Carle can come out of NOWHERE with a KISS-inspired CD, and sell a thousand or so just by going to Kiss conventions and playing a few live gigs, with absolutely NO label to back him up, why in god's name do you think YOU couldn't do even better?

This Ralph guy wasn’t even is KISS – he’s just some bratty 20-something with talent and ambition.

Which of these two attributes don’t YOU have anymore, fella?

I’m guessing neither.

I mean, come on, man -- you're Vinnie F*cking Vincent! You're a name people know and appreciate. You have more writing ability in your pinky-toenail than Ace Frehley has in his entire erect penis. Sure, you have a lousy rep and lots of people hate you. You probably even deserve it. And I’m sure there’s all kinds of other rotten crap you’ve done to people that we don’t even know about.


Screw them! You don’t need ANYONE at this point. Just spend a couple hundred bucks on mastering time in a small recording studio and assemble an album from your existing work. Hell, you could even do it on a Macintosh computer with the appropriate software. It’s an EASY project to accomplish, something you could do in a week or less, and it will sound just FINE.

And keep in mind, it doesn’t need to be PERFECT. I’m inclined to believe you’re something of a perfectionist, and I can understand how this might cause you to keep putting off completion of a project until you can "do it right." We’ve all fallen into this trap.


Simply DON’T think of this as the next VV album. It doesn’t have to be your next masterpiece. Save that for the next one. Just consider this a quick, easy project – like a work for hire you’ve been commissioned you to compose. A simple collection of songs that you’d just like people to hear, but perhaps aren’t necessarily worthy of "Guitarmageddon" or whatever ridiculous album title you have in mind. Just throw together a mixed bag of good material. It doesn’t even have to "go together." Make it a patchwork quilt. A timepiece. Whatever.

But just do SOMETHING with all those songs you’ve been promising for so many years.

And do WHATEVER it takes to get people to notice the project. Exploit your association with the hottest band in the world. Put a bunch of Egyptian crap on the cover. Call it "Kiss My Ankh." Run that symbol into the ground. They can’t sue you for ANY of that.

What’s that you say? Enigma, the record company that folded a decade ago somehow still owns a lot of those recordings? Well, just RECORD THEM AGAIN, dammit! They don’t own the songs THEMSELVES, do they? Just those particular ancient renditions of them.

You DID write them down, didn’t you?

Or – and here’s a crazy idea – release a LIVE album! This is the kind of no-brainer that most bands have resorted to SEVERAL times by this point in their careers, and something you have NEVER done. In your case, it’s actually long overdue. So even if some of your unreleased studio material may not belong to you at the moment (and again, I’m just playing devil’s advocate here), you MUST own at least ONE recording of yourself with at least ONE of your many band incarnations, pre or post Chrysalis. Honestly, this is something your fans have been demanding for eons -- a clean, live recording of Vinnie Vincent in concert.

Furthermore, if you somehow don’t have ANYTHING in that infamous "archive" of yours, what’s to stop you from recording some NEW live shows? Just round up some of your musician buddies, rehearse in your garage for a couple of weeks and throw together a nice, tight 30-minute set of Vinnie Vincent classics. Book yourself a short, local tour and get a few shows on tape.

Or if no clubs will book you, do the shows on your roof and invite the neighbors and cops.

According to other rock luminaries, this sort of thing makes for a great piece of film.

You can use unknown talent, or round up some other out-of-work rock & rollers. Get Bobby Rock. Get Robert Fleischman if he’s not dead. Get Eric Singer and Mark St. John if they’re not appearing at a Kiss convention that weekend. Hell, get 3/5th of the original line-ups of either Ratt OR Great White – they’re all available and looking for work! You could even tout it as some kind of "rock & roll all-stars" show. You’d pack the houses, night after night!

Whichever route you decide to take, just get a couple of those shows on DAT and mix together something short and sweet. Stick one or two new studio cuts on the disc as a bonus. Hire some naive graphic design student and throw him $200 to lay out your CD inserts. Turn over the whole shebang in less than a month and distribute it on your own.

And the nicest part will be -- since there’s no label reps to pay, and because you write all your own songs -- you get to keep all the money!

We know how much you like money.

Fer chrissakes, this mini-tour/live album plan is the exact thing Britny Fox just did, and they were popular for less than 5 minutes!

It’s really not that hard, dude.

OR that expensive, considering that you’re probably broke.

Which must be REALLY hard on a guy that likes money so much.

Just look at that new Karl Cochrane CD. Here’s a guy whose biggest claim to fame was that he played in the later, clubs-only, never-recorded version of the Ace Frehley band. He doesn’t have a tremendous amount of name recognition, and he sure as hell doesn’t have a lot of money to toss around. But his debut studio CD looks great, nonetheless. He’s another one of the Kiss periphery who has achieved much with apparently little. He couldn’t have spent more than a grand or two on the entire project, recording included. And you already have that part taken care of!

You KNOW your fans will buy WHATEVER you choose to release, live or studio. You could fart into an amplifier and there’d be a hundred pre-orders before you could smell it. I mean, look at us – we’re people who frequent the message boards of a musician who's been all but invisible for the better part of a decade, and has virtually severed all contact with the fan community in recent years. You’re kind of the poor man’s Axl Rose.

Except that he never stiffed hundreds of fans on a cockamamie $100 box set.

By the way, if you ever get off you’re ass and get this new album together, make sure you actually SEND it to the people who PAY you for it, okay?

Yet despite ALL this nonsense, we STILL come back to our websites and bulletin boards, hoping to hear the tiniest nugget of news from the man with the pink guitar.

Foolish may be we.

The above tirade is the byproduct 10 years of chewing and stewing, and I’ve been careful to bolster criticism with compliment. When I awoke this morning, I had no idea I’d be spending 4 hours writing a letter to a man I’ve never actually met. In fact, I figured today would be consumed with nothing but worry for my 73-year-old mom, who left for the hospital 5 hours ago to have her right breast removed because they found a malignant lump in it earlier this month.

Instead, inexplicably, I did this.

In conclusion, I see absolutely NO logical reason why you can’t release at least SOME kind of new music to your awaiting public by the end of next year (2001). If any of what I’ve stated is off the mark or inaccurate, maybe now would be a good time to finally come public and set the record straight. I’m sure people wouldn’t mind hearing from you, for a change.

Just don’t wait too long.

We ain’t gonna be here forever, dude. We’re all getting older, having kids, incurring debts and dying. We have less time and money for the things that used to excite us when we were 19. And you sure as hell ain’t making any NEW fans by sittin’ around your house.

And again I simply MUST ask -- just what DO you DO all day?

As I’m sure you already know, art cannot exist in a vacuum. The longer you sit on your sh*t, the more it’ll stink. So just get it out there while it still excites you.

Better yet, get it out there while it still excites US.

Thanks for some great songs.


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SubjectViewsWritten ByPosted
Where in the World is VINNIE VINCENT???272Cybercomic11/02/2000 01:30PM
RE: Where in the World is VINNIE VINCENT??? 154John Q11/02/2000 07:30PM
I believe he's with Carmen San Diego! 182Captain Chaos11/03/2000 04:51AM
vinnie vincent 150 Geoff 11/03/2000 08:23PM

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