Top 10 Reasons : Van Halen's delayed announcement
Posted by: SC ()
Date: September 17, 2000 05:14PM

THE TOP TEN REASONS THAT VAN HALEN HAS YET TO MAKE A FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENT REGARDING THE RETURN OF DAVID LEE ROTH:
for sarcasm and amusement purposes only(in case someone is actually stupid enough to believe any of these)!!! ENJOY...and take it with a grain of salt.

10. DAVE IS STILL TRYING TO TALK THE BAND INTO FILMING THE NEVER-TO-BE-FILMED "CRAZY FROM THE HEAT" MOVIE

9. ALEX, MICHAEL AND DAVE ARE CONTEMPLATING GETTING RID OF ED, CALLING IN STEVE VAI AND CALLING THE BAND 'VAI HALEN'

8. ROTH PULLED A GROIN MUSCLE WHILE BENDING OVER TO TIE HIS SHOE, SO THE BAND BROUGHT IN A THERAPIST TO HAVE DAVE DO JUMPING JACKS INSTEAD OF THE SPLITS ON STAGE FOR THE TOUR

7. THE REMASTERED VAN HALEN CD'S COMING OUT ARE A WAY TO GET ENOUGH CASH TO BRIBE ALEX TO GET A NEW SNARE DRUM WIRE

6. MICHAEL IS GOING IN FOR YET ANOTHER SURGERY TO REMOVE A BLOND WIG HE CRAZY GLUED TO HIS HEAD. SINCE THE 'III' TOUR WHERE HE GOT TO SING LEAD ON A SONG, HE THOUGHT AFTER CHERONE LEFT THE BAND, HE HAD THE LEAD VOCAL SLOT ALL SEWN UP

5. EDDIE IS IN CONTINUAL HYPNO THERAPY TO MAKE HIM BELIEVE HE'S HUMAN JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE AND THAT HIS SH#T DOES STINK

4. DAVE WANTS THE BAND TO DO A QUICK VEGAS RUN FOR A MONTH DOING OLD STANDARDS LIKE HE DID IN 1996. MIKE'S IN AS LONG THEY GET FREE BUFFET PRIVILEDGES

3. EDDIE IS TRYING TO INCORPORATE ANOTHER INSTRUMENT HE CAN PLAY INTO THE VAN HALEN SOUND...ELECTRIC BAGPIPES. HE'S CURRENTLY IN NEGOTIATIONS FOR HIS OWN LINE FROM PEAVY

2. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS APART, IT SEEMS ED NOW LIKES BROWN M&M'S AND WANTS THEM IN THE CONTRACT RIDER. DAVE INSISTS THE TOUR BE LIKE THE OLD DAYS AND HAVE THEM REMOVED

and drum roll please Alex(did ya put a new wire on?), the number one reason Van Halen has yet to make an announcement regarding the return of David Lee Roth is...

1. ED IS SO INSISTENT ON HAVING THINGS HIS WAY THAT HE WANTS VALERIE TO FRONT THE BAND. DAVE IS RECUPERATING IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER LAUGHING HIS SPLEEN THROUGH HIS NOSE



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Top 10 Reasons : Van Halen's delayed announcement138 SC 09/17/2000 05:14PM


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